Player Character List

1. Tucloc Hedat - The Spooky. Town weirdo with premonitions and a secret dark bargain.
2. Felix Fraunhofer - The Expert. Town Librarian with a secret haven in the backroom.
3. Marty Mikaelsverd - The Divine. Neurotic pothead with his weird ass dog.
4. Jack Dalton - The Mundane. DJ Qualls with a broken bicycle.
5. Juniper Jones - The Monstrous. Party girl who doesn't know she's a faerie.
6. Peter Lowell - The Wronged. Hunter with a bloodthirst for devils.

Mystery

"Death and Docents" by Michael Sands from Monster of the Week.

Victoria Price, the local news anchor is reporting from the local Natural History Museum. Dr. Jennifer Sophia, Professor Josh Singer, and Michelle Fitzsimmons (a close friend of Felix) were all found dead under mysterious circumstances. Their bodies were partially dissolved, as if by acid.

• Open in Felix’s backroom haven. The doors and walls are covered in several years worth of seals and warding spells. Filing cabinets line the walls, Mulder-esque pencils in the ceiling.
• Phone RingsIt’s Felix’s hot ex-tinder date and current museum curator, Olivia Worthington. She wants Felix to figure out what happened to tMichelle Fitzsimmons. Mentions that Dr. Kelly Morrison brought new (dangerous) relics back from Egypt shortly before the incident.
• Tucloc has a premonitionmass death with rotting, dissolving corpses
• The voices in Marty’s head (?) tell him to protect Jack Dalton.
• What could this monster be? It’s probably not a pokemon, but perhaps. Cursory google search suggests maybe a hydra or something similar.
• Jack finds a super soaker full of water….or piss? For some reason, he doesn’t want to taste it to find out.
• Marty asks Felix for a tracker, he tries to sneak it onto Jack, who doesn’t want it. Except he does? But consent is important.
• Felix finds an acid test kit that we definitely didn’t use and some holy water hand grenades
• Felix got a new truckit’s a 2017 Chevy Colorado that he won from telling scary stories at a radio contest, except he didn’t really win because he still had to pay for it (for being so fucking weird).
• Note: 2017 Chevy Colorados are known for their 20% rollover rate
• 7pm: We arrive at the museum, greeted by the Museum Administrator, Chris Larsson. He tells us the museum is closed, but Olivia shows up and gets us in for a “late tour”
• She tells us about the eggs with strange markings that are currently in the Research Wing on the 1st floor and that Francis can get us in.
• Jack has questions: Are the eggs wet? I guess we’ll never know. Also, are there cops here?
• Olivia is obsessed with Dr. Perfect Voice. Must be awkward for Felix. She tells us that Josh died in the Human Origins exhibit, Jennifer died in Geology, and Michelle died in the Koch Hall of FossilsDeep Time.
• Francis appears to be a nice old lady. She takes us to the 1F Research Wing
• Dr. Kelly Morrison says we have to leave because the labs are being cleaned (sus). Felix plays the mourner card, doesn’t work. Tucloc tries to be weird but just gets a headache. Dr. Kelly Morrison walks away, the door locks with a combo pad.
• Juniper tries to check out the lock but is interrupted by some kind of snake? Worm?
• Felix can tell it’s a Saharan Death Worm. He says that they basically just eat and fuck. Natural defenses are acid venom and localized static electricity generation, but they’re weak to water.
• Instead of going after the literal death worm that we know is weak to water, Jack shoots Marty in the face with the super soaker, ostensibly to make sure it isn’t piss.
• Juniper snatches the gun (accidentally pushing Jack down) and follows the death worm to Mammals exhibit.
• Tucloc goes to help Jack, sees another worm coming from the Oceans exhibit (ironic)
• Felix tells Olivia and Francis to get behind them and tries to throw some holy water, but accidentally tosses his phone into the open water exhibit. Tucloc sees the fail and tries to help with a magic wall, but some venom gets around it and lands on both of them.
• Jack gets Olivia and Francis out to safety
• Reg chases a rat to the Hall of FossilsDeep Time. Marty follows and sees another death worm under the stegosaurus fossils. Convinces Reg to get one of the bones to play with, bringing the whole thing down on the worm. He calls it a penis snake.
• Back in MammalsJuniper shoots her worm in the mouth with the super soaker, but gets hit with some venom.
• Back in the Rotunda Tucloc uses telekinesis to slam a worm into the open water in the oceans exhibit, but gets fucked by Newton’s 3rd Law. The worm dies.
• Back in FossilsMarty runs to the bathroom by the fossil lab. On the way, he and Reg are both tagged with venom and the worm heads in the opposite direction, toward the Rotunda.
• MammalsJuniper takes cover and tries to shoot, but Dr. Kelly Morrison tackles her, screaming “Nooooooo we have to study them!!”. The super soaker is knocked from Junipers hand
• RotundaJack notices the worm from the hall of fossils approaching and runs toward Oceans to try to get it to follow. Tucloc and Felix run towards Mammals.
• Fossil Lab BathroomMarty stops up the toilets and turns on the faucets to try to flood the bathroom. Reg reminds Marty of his directive to protect Jack.
• MammalsJuniper pushes Dr. Kelly Morrison off of her and promptly (accidentally) uses her as a human shield. Dr. Kelly Morrison dies.
• OceansJack tries to run toward the bathroom by the Fossil Lab, but gets hit with venom.
• MammalsFelix tries to throw Holy Water by Tucloc bumps him, he misses, and he gets FUCKED UP with venom.Tucloc gets the worm into the water that spilled from the super soaker using telekinesis.
• Fossil Lab BathroomMarty slips and hits his head. Knocks out for a bit.
• OceansJack runs toward Fossil Lab Bathrooms again, tries to pull out his bat to protect himself but drops it. He makes it to the bathroom though
• MammalsJuniper force punches the worm and grabs the super soaker, but gets pretty hurt. Doesn’t realize what happened with the force punch situation. Tucloc pulls his rifle out and aims, Felix tries to quick shoot with his magnum, but misses.
• Fossil Lab BathroomJack realizes that the door is a push, not a pull, so he gets into the bathroom. He proposes a plan: tp + plunger = water mace? They make 2. In a tragic twist of fate, Marty can’t pull an icicle from his dog’s dick to hurt the worm.
• MammalsA very hurt and unstable Juniper blasts the worm with water, killing it. Felix has med kits that heal the three of them a little bit. Tucloc loots Dr. Kelly Morrison (respectfully) and gets her badge to get us into the research wing. All three head back to the Rotunda.
• Marty and Jack leave the bathroom and see that the trail from the worm goes up the stairs to the 2F. Jack wets his coat and wraps it around the bat he dropped earlier for a third water mace. They decide to go find everyone else to properly gang bang the penis snake.
• Everyone meets up at the Rotunda. Jack and Juniper swap the super soaker for a water mace, and Marty decides to heal Jack and no one else. We go to 2F
• Worm trail leads to Gems and Minerals. Jack looks for it, but he sees that it went through the room and headed toward Bones. He leads the way with Marty really unnecessarily close, followed by Juniper and Tucloc with the Super Soaker and a water mace, and Felix in the back.
• We corner the worm/penis snake.
• Tucloc squirts.
• Everybody takes some harm, Tucloc uses a luck point to avoid damage.
• Marty launches wet tp from his mace at the worm and kills it.
• Head to 1F Research Wing.
• The Bill of Lading said three eggs. Eggs are…..gone. No eggs, wet or dry, but I guess we’re done here.
• Marty calls for a group hug. Juniper sidesteps that offer, and Marty slips the tracker onto Jack’s coat.

End of Mystery Questions

1. Did we conclude the mystery? Yes
2. Did we save someone? Yes (⅔ aint bad)
3. Did we learn something new? Yes (Water Maces are viable weapons)
4. Did we learn something about the hunters? Yes. (Marty’s boss thinks Jack is important, Juniper is….action-oriented)